I don’t know what to think. He’s in surgery. My brother, mom, and grandma are there. I’m at home. I’m twiddling my thumbs wanting to know if it’s over and just how it went. My mind’s a little jumbled from last night. I’m surprised I even made it home. I can’t not think about my dad. And then there’s Matt who I have no idea about. So on top of my dad, there’s boy troubles and even more boy troubles because there’s someone waiting for me in Nashville and it’s a lot bit overwhelming. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. I want to curl up and wish it would go away. I want my dad home, safe, healthy, and immortal. I like Matt and my mom says that’s it. I need to stop testing him and myself if I know what’s good for both us and just let it go. Just be happy with it. I need not sabotage it. I’m trying to be strong. I don’t cry because at this point, what will my tears do? It all just needs to…be over. It’s like one big nightmare that doesn’t want to end. When I try to wake up, I realize I already am awake. It’s not that big of a crisis but I have never felt so worried in my life; not like this. So for now, I’ll close my eyes, waiting for the solution; waiting for the end of it. Waiting for the happy.

Until then…